Thanksgiving and the world's worst pie

I can cook about as well as I can sing, which is to say it's possible for me to do, but no one else wants to be around when it happens. Most of what I'm making for Thanksgiving will come from mixes or frozen pop-in-the-oven stuff (that cook-in-the-bag turkey breast is a delicious lifesaver!).

I wanted to make one thing from scratch, but it needed to be easy. So I tried a recipe for crock pot pumpkin pie. This is what I got: