Killer robots and the best sentence of my week

A cool thing on Twitter is something called #SundaySentence, wherein readers share the best sentence they read all week and tag it for others to enjoy.

I had one that was kinda awesome this week for being funny, rather than the usual sentence that's plucked from the pages and shared due to beautiful construction, lovely imagery, or profound sentiment. My tendency toward anxiety led me not to tag it for #SundaySentence lest someone say it didn't fit the theme of great sentences or was offensive. I didn't want to harsh my mellow this lovely Sunday with any negativity about a funny line. 

I posted the sentence on Twitter, sans hashtag, which of course means none of the other word lovers saw it. I definitely, probably, should've tagged it. Maybe? Seriously, I would've laughed out loud if someone else had. Luckily, I have a blog and can post whatever I want here without fear of anyone but me reading it (hardy har har).

It was from Shit, Actually: The Definitive, 100% Objective Guide to Modern Cinema by Lindy West. The book of irreverent yet often on-the-nose movie reviews peeled back the layers of Terminator 2: Judgement Day with a fair and fabulous comment about time-travelling robots and essential details the script should include.

Here, solely for my own enjoyment, is the greatest sentence I read this week:

"Call me old-fashioned, but I think it’s weird not to explain why your robot is Austrian and has a dick."

She's not wrong, y'all. Have a great week, and may you encounter many wonderful sentences on your reading journey!

Themes and Variations by David Sedaris

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

"If women come home from work and take their bras off, their husbands return and look for things they can force up their asses."

There you have a sample of tales David Sedaris heard from fans during his book tours in this short, funny essay from the master of the form.

Looking back at his broke-ass days, Sedaris recalls getting short-shrift in the way of interaction from an author for whom he plunked down hard-earned cash for a book to be signed. He's told this story before, but he returns to it here to explain why he always takes time to engage fans, and is often rewarded with interesting (and bizarre) revelations.

Everyone's a Critic by Jennifer Weiner

This quick, light read dishes out a revenge fantasy from an author sick of feeling disparaged or ignored by literary critics. 

You can tell Jennifer Weiner has had it up to here as you read Everyone's a Critic. All the unlikable traits heaped on an increasingly unfortunate critic, Laurel, lets you know Weiner is pissed. The bladder-infection-from-Hell the critic suffers tells you Weiner is ready to BURN IT DOWN. 

So You've Got a Nemesis ... There's a Poem for That

I don't think I'm petty, but the feeling of joy that ensues when reading a particular poem wherein the author drags his nemesis may mean that perhaps, just a little, I am.

The poem that sets me all aglow with delight is "The Book of My Enemy has been Remaindered" by Australian writer Clive James. In it he celebrates the fact that his enemy's book has been remaindered, which is to say, it wasn't selling well so the publisher is liquidating remaining stock. If you've ever bought a book for $1 from a clearance pile and noted the black slash of a permanent marker along the edge of the pages, you just got a bargain thanks to a remaindered book.

James flings lovely daggers at his foe, such as:

Theft by Finding by David Sedaris

"I’m always struck by how many times people get stabbed. It seems like it’s never just once or twice. It must be one of those activities that, once you get started, you just can’t stop."

Observations like the one above explain why David Sedaris moves so many copies. With Theft by Finding: Diaries, we get a look into his life and mind that swings from insightful and hilarious to horrible and horrifying. If you've read his essays, you won't be surprised. If not, buckle up, this gets weird!

The most useful bits, if you fancy putting pen to paper yourself, reside in the intro where he gives some journaling tips he's followed throughout his life. For instance, he says: "If nothing else, a diary teaches you what you're interested in." Which is a good point – whatever deep thoughts you start out jotting down may not really be what you long to focus on. However, the things you write about over and over is where your true interest lies.

Southern Lady Code by Helen Ellis

Southern Lady Code by Helen Ellis
My rating: 3 of 5 stars

Helen Ellis first lured me in with American Housewife, a book of short stories packing enough zing to win a fan (and boasting a hilarious cover photo to boot). When her follow-up hit stores earlier this month, I immediately grabbed a copy, practically rubbing my hands in anticipation.

The good news: Ellis fills the short, breezy essays with enough wit and charm to make reading them feel like a laid-back lunch date with a funny friend. She's handy with the quotable quips, too. Ain’t nothing wrong with that.

7 awesome audiobooks to rock your road trip

The heat is on, the days are long, and the season of road trips has begun. Long, hot, boring road trips. Oh, the monotony as those hours roll past like the asphalt under your wheels. An amusing or compelling audiobook with kick-ass narration will hit the spot like a frosty glass of Long Island Iced Tea. Audiobooks let you switch things up with listening to music to keep you alert as the hours drag on. Besides, you're probably already over that road-trip playlist you spent hours making.

My choices have grown-ups in mind, so if you need to entertain younglings on the journey, these are not the droids you seek. To get these titles, check your library's digital downloads through Overdrive or look into Audible (here are some tips for finding deals and free trials there). These should also be at iTunes if that's your go-to spot.

Crazy good audiobooks for traveling, in no particular order, include: